World of wargrym

Yes, I posted a new picture the other day. And yes it IS me. It is the most recent picture of me that I have. (apart from the passport photo I had taken at the end of last year of course, but only baybe has seen that......so far )

The picture is of me, but was taken over 10 years ago. And the gentleman in the headlock, his name is Michael too. Infact there were three of us all called Michael in the park on that day.

Yes, I am tall, 6ft 6in or there abouts, and yes, in the photo am quite skinny. I was about three stone underweight due to lack of eating for days on end.

What do I look like now? hehehehe, na na na na na na I'm not gonna show ya........yet at least.

I am still as tall, fatter, a lot less hair and hopefully a lot more sane and more at ease with myself. (though time will tell, having that photo there, lol)

The main reason I posted it? For my sis, so she could see a more recent pic of me than the ones she has, but you all may as well get to see the wonder that is me .

Baybe knows how difficult it is (if not nigh impossible) for me to do this, to have my picture on display. I don't like cameras or looking at myself, but my sis means the world to me, and sometimes you just have to put yourself out there and try and just get through it.

And that IS me smiling. It may not seem like much but that IS my version of a huge grin .

I have been kind of involved in the Mental Health awareness weeks for the past 3-4 years.

A few years ago, after being asked to put some things down on paper about the kind of difficultes I had, I learned that it was going to be made into a short film and "A day in the Mind of.." was created.

I sat many times watching it while others watched it too. No-one knowing I was the author. Hearing their thoughts and views. Realising as most people would in that sitiuation that I wasn't alone, wasn't wierd....(well, weirder than I already was anyway) and that the struggles I had were the norm for a lot of people and in some ways just the tip of the iceberg.

Well, the film was shown in local cinema's, (still is shown in places every year since, during the weeks of the events) and I learnt that it had also travelled the world, to the "americas and Europe" mostly. People were sitting and watching it, talking about it. It was used to show people who knew nothing about it, and to professionals at their gatherings and conferences in the hope that they would better understand.

It's still going strong. And Articles are still written and read about it.

Just so people know. They are NOT alone in how they feel. How they stuggle, and people improve, get better, move on, live their lives. It isn't a dead end street, there is always hope. And maybe, you too will find some way of getting your thoughts and feelings out there... (if that is what you want to do of course).

Writing poetry always helped me but I always found it got very dark and sad, probably depressed me even more sometimes, lol. Whatever works for you, works. And never stop trying.

When I got my pc, only about 6 or 7 months ago, there were several main reasons for doing so, in my mind.

Firstly. I struggle with being outside, and being around people. So it has become a lifeline to me. My contact with the outside world, so that I don't feel completely isolated. So all the things i need to try and be able to do, I can try and do from here (even if am a huge technophobe that doesn't feel like they have any idea what he's doing with the damn thing most of the time)

Secondly. To try and help me find those things that were lost to me for a very long time. Most importantly, My sister who I had been wanting to find for so long but didn't know how. Nor did I have the ability to look properly.

Thirdly. To, if it were ever going to be possible, meet people, be around people, (even if it was through the monitor screen of a computer) and try and get used to interacting with the outside world.

Now, even tho I have numbered them, they are in no particular order.

I did meet people online. I met my baybe. Something I am so very grateful for every day, and she brings me so much love and support and I love her deeply, and more each day.
I am getting more able to do the things I need to do online, and don't always feel so cut off. Another plus and one that I hope will continue to improve day by day.
And now, I have found my sister. The biggest missing part of my life. The part that I most wanted to find again. It has been torture not being able to find or speak to her, to let her know that I was thinking of her so much each day. That I hoped she was safe, well and happy. But now I can tell her all this and more, and hope that she will understand why it has taken so long for me to be able to do this. And also that she will want this half as much as I do.

So, Thank you sis, and meet my friends. friends? This is my sister, (Hemlok)