So, My birthday passed without great fanfare again. Am just trying to decide whether I have now spend them alone, quietly because I want to, or becasue that's how they always were, with most people not remembering them, even family and close friends. And usually able to count the cards and messages I get on one hand.

Is this how I wanted it or just how it has always been so I have become used to it, not expecting anything more.

Though I never really wanted much from most of my family, it would still hurt when those I was still close to never even acknowledged it, but some would always make sure I knew it was theirs and hint at what they would like.

Don't get me wrong. I would never ignore someone elses "special day" but some years, after many "quiet" birthdays I considered the idea.. how it would be if I "forgot" theirs and left them clueless and alone on their day.

Just thinking out loud.